i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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