im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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