i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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