We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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