Midget sex pt 2 tonight
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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