he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Randomize
