Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
