Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
