You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
i think my cat just said my name.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
