yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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