Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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