I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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