im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize