dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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