Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize