Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
