I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
