Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
