I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
This baby is an asshole
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
