dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
