if i can run in heels then i can drive
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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