SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
