I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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