mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
no. you can't hotbox the world.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
