i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
