Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
