Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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