Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
