hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
