You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I don't deserve a penis
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
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