i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
