you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
