We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
