6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I could fuck to npr.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
