so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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