maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
