Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
