OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
As shirtless as possible
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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