So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
