fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
we made out on top of his cat.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize