dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
