Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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