Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
PANTIES FOUND
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