wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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