i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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