Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
