So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Randomize
