So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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