I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
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