so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
