I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
