okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
