If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Randomize
