you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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