so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Randomize