Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
