If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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