she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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