I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
