The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
