I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
