Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
