Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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