u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
