I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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