Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
How's work?
Spinning.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
