there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize