If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
