Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize