Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
